Trauma

The term trauma is relatively familiar to us today and is often associated with the capital-T trauma: natural disasters, accidents, experiences of violence, rape, war, major surgeries, etc. We know now that not only the victim, but also perpetrators and witnesses can be traumatized. In addition, there are also the little-T traumas, which often occur in childhood and have not yet received the same ‘recognition’. In childhood, we are particularly worthy of protection and smaller situations like, regularly unmet needs, abuse (emotional, psychological, physical or sexual), abandonment or neglect can traumatize us. In diagnostics, we speak of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and ‘complex’ post-traumatic stress disorder, which describe a repeated experience of traumatic events. Tim Fletcher, a renowned Canadian trauma researcher, describes that a traumatized childhood often leads to further traumatization in adolescence and adulthood. Put more simply: a childhood with an insecure or non-existent attachment to parents (or caregivers) leads to adults who re-enact the same ‘insecure’ situations in their lives.

So what happens in our psyche and in our body when an experience traumatizes us?

A traumatic experience is an event that overwhelms us in the moment it happens. We cannot emotionally process what has happened and are dependent on external support. If we did not learn how to process difficult experiences in our childhood, experiences remain unprocessed in our emotional part of the brain (the limbic system). We then often try to avoid similar situations that would trigger those emotions in us. We naturally process traumatic experiences by discussing them with a trusted person who validates them compassionately and lets us feel the emotions triggered in a safe environment. If we did not experience this in childhood, but our feelings were not taken seriously, no one was there or we did not learn to process bad experiences and regulate our nervous system again, then these experiences remain unprocessed in the body and psyche. In psychology, this is called fragmentation or splitting. During this process, three ‘parts’ are created. The first part is always the healthy self. The second part is a fearful or angry part (IFS: a protective part), which in the future takes on the task of protecting the third part. The third part is the unprocessed memory, the so-called inner child, which remains behind at the age of the event. The result of this splitting is the development of negative cognitions: I am not good enough, I am not lovable, I am bad, I am dirty, I am all alone, etc. 
 
A life with complex PTSD has many ‘unhealthy’ characteristics or symptoms. These often include: 
  • Stress 
  • Addictions (drugs, alcohol, workaholics, eating disorders, gambling addiction, co-dependency) 
  • Depression 
  • Anxiety 
  • Strong experiences of anger and shame 
  • Narcissistic behaviour 
  • Family and relationship difficulties 
  • Sexual problems 
  • Financial difficulties 
  • Lack of self-esteem 
  • A deregulated nervous system. 

Physical symptoms and complaints in particular show us that we permanently stayed in ‘survival mode’ and our body did not come back to a parasympathetic state which allows its healing. Tim Fletcher has identified 60 characteristics of people with complex PTSD. When we realize that and what we want to heal, we have often solidified and confirmed our beliefs and behaviours within us for years, sometimes decades. Nevertheless, healing is possible. However, there is no magic pill or a switch that we simply have to flip. In order to return to a healthy lifestyle, it is necessary to train the nervous system to be calm and relaxed, to identify our triggers and to reintegrate our inner children. In the process, memories of traumatic experiences are processed and old beliefs can be resolved. This healing process is often associated with mourning losses and farewells. In addition to this process, it is necessary to actively change and adapt our previous lifestyle to a safer and healthier way of dealing with ourselves.